My friend Rose asked this question on Facebook. My response was too long for a FB post so I have posted it here;
Rose says: "Here is one of my questions:
In the first coaching session held @ New Globe with Zehra Mahoon , a question was asked about Feeling Anger that resonated with me. It was talked about how Patience can be a suppressor in some ways (paraphrasing) and that its best to let your anger out and that it doesn't constitute ever being verbal with someone but it still needs to be released.
My Question is:
What is the difference or the line between feeling your feelings to release and continuing on a lower vibration? ETA (told you I had a lot of Questions ) - And how do you separate that from the thing or person that triggered the emotional response?
Thank You Rose"
I taped a response to Rose's question while I was driving today. That clip is loaded here as well.
Anger is a negative emotion. When we feel anger, it means that we are thinking thoughts that do not serve us and keep us away from what we want. This has nothing to do with the person or event who made you feel anger.
You see, we think that someone or something outside of us is responsible for making us feel the anger – but that is incorrect. The reality is that we were heading in the wrong direction on the emotional scale, that is why the powerful Law of Attraction brought us an experience that led to our feeling the anger. In other words, the anger is a warning bell that tells us that we are on the wrong path.
Take some examples:
Let’s say I call my phone company for help with an issue, and I unexpectedly meet up with an annoying individual – my issue is not resolved and I come away feeling angry. Is it the fault of that individual that my problem remains and I am angry? Many years ago, I would have said yes, of course it is this person’s fault; I was in a perfectly good mood when I called and now because of them everything seems messed up. Today, my answer would be different. Today I understand that the reason this person is the one who picked up my call is because of where I am on the emotional scale. They are an indicator of the way I am thinking my thoughts in general and not specific to the problem about which I called. Make sense? So now my work is to use this information and make the decision to consciously think thoughts that help me feel a little better, and little by little shift my point of attraction.
Let’s take another example. Let’s say that I have someone in my life who more often than not instigates me to a place where I feel anger. I always know that their point of view will be different from mine and we will not see eye to eye. If I didn’t know better, I would say, it’s their fault – they could be more understanding towards me and then I wouldn’t feel this way – they are the cause of my anger. I know better now. I know that because I think that they could be more understanding towards me, I have a belief about them that will never let them be any different where I am concerned. Therefore, if I want their behaviour towards me to change then I have to be willing to let go of this belief first. The other thing I need to understand is that if I didn’t think of them as aggravating then I would not be lowering myself down to their frequency on the emotional scale, therefore, they would not be able to behave in a manner that annoys me, or we simply wouldn’t meet. If I maintain my position on the emotional scale at a place of joy then there is no way that the law of attraction would ever bring me together with this person. Make sense?
Now for your first question – understand this: we are naturally equipped with the mechanism that takes us up the emotional scale – unless we train ourselves away from it. And most of us do train ourselves away from it because we are told that if we express negative emotion in the form of anger then we are being inappropriate – that is why we learn to suppress our emotions and be patient.
I agree that we should never take action from a place of negative emotion, however, we can take the mental journey, in fact it is healthy to take the metal journey up the emotional scale – what is unhealthy is to relive the same negative emotion again and again and again.
Let’s take an example to clarify. Let’s say, a very dear friend says something to me that annoys me. I am so angry that I feel like physically hurting this person. Should I take action? Of course not. If I did, that would not lead to any good – the result of that will not make me feel better, because in doing so I would not be flowing unconditional love towards them and anytime I stop the flow of love, I don’t feel good. Then on top of it, I would feel upset with myself too, and in doing so I would no longer be flowing unconditional love to myself. This would just start a negative spiral that would take me even further down the emotional scale Make sense?
So the thing to do is to ask myself what thought can I think just now that will help me to feel just a little better. That is the key. I want to feel a little better, not ecstatically in love with this person – because that would be too big an emotional jump. I would feel just a little better by hatching a plot for revenge in my head – it would consist of a complete dialogue of what I would say to them that would put them in their place.
When I did not understand the law of attraction, I used to stay in an endless loop of feeling the anger and then the revenge and then feeling the anger again. I know better now. I know that when I go into that sort of a loop the only person that suffers is me. By staying in that loop I am in a place where none of the positive results I want can come to me – so I have to let it go and find thoughts that feel better. The good thing about it is that I don’t need to start looking for good feeling thoughts about the person who annoys me – in fact, it is better for me to not think about them at all. When I shift my attention to something that feels good like my children and my cat, then after a while I feel soothed and when I am soothed, I can come back to thinking about this person and now it won’t seem as bad because I will have shifted my position. As long as I don’t go looking for the emotion of anger and relive it again, I will be able to take the emotional journey up the scale. In the past I was used to reliving unpleasant events in my mind many times a day. I would share them with close friends to get their sympathy as well as to get them to help me find solutions. Now I know that when I do that, I make things worse because that involves reliving the negativity and that does not serve me.
So Dear Rose, in summary what this means is that anytime I feel angry, I must thank the person who made me feel angry because they were the means through which the Universe communicated important information to me about the way I was thinking my thoughts so that I may make the changes I need to make and return to a place of love and joy. We can use anger to improve our lives if we treat it as guidance that is telling us that we need to change the way we think our thoughts so that we can get to all the things we want in life. Thank the person who instigates you to anger - they are there to help you so that you can improve your life.
Anger is really just an indicator, and just like we use indicators that tell us that the fuel tank in our car is running low, anger is an indicator that tells us we are running low on love – we need to refuel, and we do that simply by turning our thoughts towards subjects that feel good. We must do this because good things only come to us well we are running on a full tank of love.
I hope this answers your brilliant question fully. I am happy to help with all your questions – bring them on!
Much love and appreciation,