At all times, and in all co-creations we are continuously expressing our preferences. When we like something we are telling the universe, that which we call God, that we want more of that. And when we are complaining about something and wanting less of it, we are actually telling God that we want more of that too. That’s really what law of attraction is all about. You can’t tell something or someone to go away – that gets you the opposite results from what you want. Because when you focus on something you call it to you whether you want it or not. I call this the pink elephant philosophy (explained at length in my book Thrive).
For now, I want to talk about co-creation with other people. As we go about our day we meet many people, but there are some with whom we have deeper relationships, such as our family member, employers, employees, close friends, neighbours or those individuals who have more than just a passing role in our lives. My own experience in life and my observation with others that I coach has shown me that co-creation with other people falls into two main types of experiences.
1) Unwanted things and experiences that happen to us because of the way someone treats us that force us to grow by learning something new about ourselves, others and the way things work (law of attraction).
2) Wanted things and experiences that happen to us because of the way someone treats us that helps us to grow by learning something new about ourselves, others and the way things work (law of attraction).
Did you notice, I know you did – the only difference between the two is in the use of the words Unwanted vs Wanted, and Force vs Help.
Notice too, that I am focusing on types of experiences and not types of people, for I have found that the same person is capable of yielding to us both wanted and sometimes unwanted experiences.
For example, most marriages start out on the basis of love, joy and shared interests, and then the same lovers yield hate, anger, deceit and other negative emotions in situations where things go off track. Same people, different experiences.
We tend to think of soul mates as lovers who know us well at an intellectual and emotional level and are loving and supportive, but the truth is that we have many soul mates – they are members of our soul family. They are not just our romantic partners, but they are also those who co-create both unwanted and wanted events with us. We have pre-birth shared intentions with our soul mates that we will assist each other in our journeys through life in order to sift through contrast to express preferences and accomplish growth.
I understand now that my ex is part of my soul family, for he is most certainly responsible for “instigating” me towards a quantum leap as far as growth is concerned, because he forced me to reach for wellbeing with heightened desire leading me to discover Abraham…. and look where I am today because of it. I am at a place of greater understanding and I have found true joy in living. When I started thinking about that way about him, I couldn’t dislike him anymore. In fact, I started thanking my stars that I met him and went through the emotional turmoil that I thought he put me through (which I now know is not true, for nothing can come to me without my calling it). When I changed the way I was thinking about him, his behaviour towards me changed, from not wanting to talk to each other, to being good friends again. That’s a much better place to be, because now I can think about him without reverting to any sort of negative emotion. I can look back at all that happened with a feeling of appreciation for what it made me discover rather than a feeling of anger and loss. Being able to feel good and being able to be at complete peace with my journey is what allows me to find joy in every day. It is because of him that I have a much clearer understanding of unconditional love. So my ex “instigated” me through an “unwanted” experience that “forced” me to grow.
On the other hand, my sixth grade teacher at St. Joseph’s Convent, Mrs. Franco gave me the unconditional love that helped me to grow through a joyous experience of growth. I was doing very poorly at school at the time, and my parents (both star students) were quite appalled that any child of theirs could underperform to the extent of being held back a year. Their angst made me feel less than, further compounding the lack of self-worth issues I was dealing with at the time. Mrs. Franco was the only person in my tiny universe who actually showed me more love after I was held back that year than before. The interesting thing is that she never demonstrated her love with any words or physical gestures – that kind of thing doesn’t happen at a convent. The only thing she ever said to me when I returned to her classroom the year I was held back was “failures are the pillars of success”. I kept repeating that to myself, and I developed the attitude of saying “they (the world in general) don’t know who I am – I’m going to show them” – and I did. But the point I’m trying to make her is that Mrs. Franco sent a vibration to me that made me feel cared for, if she had been sending me a vibration of “dislike” or “hate” I would have felt it and I would have behaved differently. Her steady vibration helped me to give my best, without it I could have made the choice to push back with anger. Instead I changed my attitude towards my lessons and started thinking of them as easy, which of course translated into different results. Once I had that momentum well underway, it was easy for me to keep it going for the rest of my academic career. So Mrs. Franco gave me “unconditional love” by believing that it was possible for me to change and her holding that vibration constant “helped” me to grow.
On the surface it would seem that I would have been better off without the experience I had with my ex. If I told my story in detail, I am sure I could paint him as a terrible villain, but that would hurt me more than it would prove a point about him. Because when I hold on to that sort of a vibration about him or anyone else, I am holding myself at a place below the worry line on the emotional scale. (If you are not familiar with the emotional scale and want to find out more click here). When I spend time below the worry line, then I only have access to those people, things and events that correspond to my vibration from the field of all possibilities (the link between the field of all possibilities and the emotional scale is explained more fully in THRIVE, and in earlier webinars, click here for the replays). So really, why would I want to hurt myself and hold myself back from my own wellbeing?
The role of a teacher, a coach and a mentor is to be that person who gives their student the benefit of the doubt; who believes in their ability to change and do well and keeps that vibration of unconditional love constant at all times. Only then can the teacher bring out the best in the student.
All of us play the role of teacher as parents. Imagine how wonderful it is for children to grow up knowing that they are always loved unconditionally – that their behaviour and their results and their success in life has nothing to do with the love they receive from their parents. Children thrive if we never withdraw our love from them no matter what.
The role of a mate is to always hold on to the anchor of unconditional love. Knowing that the anchor will ensure that the boat never floats away. When partners and mates prioritize love over and above being right, they will always find something about the other to appreciate, and as long as they appreciate each other they will always find common ground. When people appreciate each other they draw out the best in each other. When preferences change in a relationship so that mates are no longer compatible, and a parting is necessary; this process can take place without anger and bitterness. You don’t have to stay in a relationship that doesn’t suit you anymore but you don’t have to wreck it to leave it either.
Don’t you find it interesting that personality is just a matter of opinion? My opinion about someone can be totally different from your opinion about them – why? It’s because people will always live up to our expectations of them. We get what we think about. I have friends who roll their eyes when they talk about their teenage children – clearly expecting inappropriate behaviour. I have friends who shrug their shoulders as they talk about their spouses and their habits in a manner that clearly expects these unwanted habits to get worse. And I think to myself how wonderful that these people are instigating each other’s growth.
Then on the other hand I meet wonderful teachers and parents who work with people who have faced adversity or hardship of some sort and I see how they hold their vibration of non-judgement, open expectation, and unconditional love constant as they call these people up the emotional scale. It is wonderful to see such people and the work they accomplish in our communities – truly they are the reason many have hope. You see, when someone is so disconnected from their own guidance that they cannot hear their own intuition, they need another outside of them to provide them with a substitute for that call of Source so that they can follow that call home.
When we start practicing unconditional love in all our relationships we draw out the best in people and in ourselves as well. It is a very rewarding way to live life, because your heart is always full of love, and where there is love there is joy.
All we have to do is to believe that the future can be better than then past; that people are capable of change; that everyone has some quality or aspect that we can appreciate, and that people will always live up to our expectations whether positive or negative. Lastly, and most importantly, when we think of others as being less than in some way, the only person we hurt is ourselves.
Much love and appreciation