Remembering…an LOA tribute to my father

Graduation University of Maryland 1987

I’ve heard it said that hind sight is 20-20.  It is true that when we observe the past we can spot the connections that we could not see nor understand while we were in the midst of things.

I’ve been looking back and collecting may little gems spread over the life span of my parents, and connecting the dots so that now I can see their lives through my Abraham lenses.

I didn’t know it, but without using words my father was teaching me many things that I have been appreciating since I started listening to Abraham and even more so now after his transition on November 13, 2014.

Both my parents had very different temperaments and very different ways of dealing with everyday life.  From my vantage point, it seemed that they argued a lot.  It was interesting to me that whenever there was an argument between the two of them, my mother would invariably keep repeating the details of it aloud so that both I and my brother were privy to her reasoning.  My father on the other hand would quietly remove himself to a silent spot usually on a sofa in the formal drawing room and take a nap.  When he woke up, it was as if nothing had happened, and he would calm my mother down in no time at all.  So when I heard Abraham say “take a nap”, it made total sense to me.  I’ve grown up with the take a nap philosophy and seen it work it’s magic!  My mother on the other hand, could never understand how someone could sleep in the middle of an argument, and I saw what all the worry she practiced did to her health.

I remember that my father always felt unappreciated at work.  He came home and narrated stories about what people had said, that made him feel less than. But he was always sure of one thing and that was his knowledge about his work.  He was always sure that no one could do as good a job as him.  As he told his stories, my mother agreed with him, she advised him what to say, and she put forth her theories of conspiracies and deceit.  I know now, that the two of them started a negative momentum, and each day they would be proven right, and the momentum would increase. Eventually one day, my father would come home and announce that he couldn’t take any more and he had resigned.  My mother would fly off in a frenzy, worrying about the future.  My father would tell her not to worry, that he would have work in no time at all, and then he would go to sleep.  This would drive her bananas, because “he should be out looking for work, not sleeping!”.  Usually in the space of 2-3 days my father would come and announce that so and so had made him offers, and he had accepted one of them.  My mother would fly off again, saying that he should have held out for more.  And then that whole cycle would start all over again.

I was always impressed by the level of faith that my father had in knowing that all would be well and that he did not have to go and look for work, that work would come looking for him, and it always did, and he always made his way up the ranks to better money and better positions. All he did in the meantime was to take a nap!  It always impressed me how my mother always knew that people at my father’s work were not to be trusted and then she was always proven right.  She used to say it was her gut feel telling her who to trust.  From the Abraham perspective, I know now that indeed she was receiving guidance, but that she was interpreting her guidance the wrong way.  Her guidance was telling her to look at things differently.

Whenever my parents had a falling out, I remember that my father would always reach for appreciation.  He would go right back to the time when he and my mother got married and recall in detail the wonderful times, then he would make a long list of things he appreciated about her.  Most of the time, he would relate this list to either myself or my brother, and sometimes even to my mother.  I think that his appreciation was the glue that kept them together.  As he appreciated her, then she would begin to appreciate him as well and things would go back to a happy normal very quickly.

One of the things I always appreciated about my father was how he found pleasure in the smallest of things – he milked that pleasure, and for many years, even before I found Abraham, I knew that it was this pleasure that kept him going, for he had many physical conditions that should have done him in many years ago.  I think I started noticing this aspect of his personality in 1997, when he had a heart attack (not his first) and was told that he had maybe six months to an year.  I began noticing how he would focus on little pleasures and talk about them often and look forward to them, little things like my brother’s graduation, my daughter’s birthday, a small renovation in the house, a new car to buy, our progress and achievements at work – and later when we left home, he would simply look forward to one of us coming for a visit.  He looked forward to these little things, he talked about them, he imagined them, he counted the days to them, he felt the joy in each day that led up to them.  If something wonderful and unexpected happened, he told everyone about it, he beamed from ear to ear about it, he talked about it for many days.  When he was younger, he used to “jump for joy”.

When he came to live with me two years ago, I was able to observe at close quarters that this aspect of his approach to life was still in place, and I believe that it was “the” thing that gave him life.  He proved the point that “little things in life make a big difference”.

My father was a very strong man, and I mean that in every sense of the word.  He was both physically and emotionally strong.  Although he never said the words “anything is possible”, he demonstrated to us with the way he acted that he believed that.  We participated in many adventures with him, where we made it through hanging on to the edge of our seats!  I remember being stuck in a sand storm in the middle of a desert on a road trip, our car getting deeper and deeper in the sand with every rotation of its wheels – there was no road – it was gone under the sand and we were down to the last bottle of water.  I will never forget how my father “willed” us out of that situation with the power of his focus, and I will never forget the vibration of victory that came from him when he pulled that car out of the sand single handedly.

When we were children, my father did not talk to us much.  I don’t remember having a conversation with him until I was much older.  He never expressed his love in words for anyone other than my mother, but he always made us feel loved beyond measure.  We always knew him to be a strong pillar of support.  And whenever something went wrong my parents would both say “it’s going to be alright – things always work out”.  Just hearing those words from them released my burden and allowed my sprits to rise.  Then I heard the same words from Abraham, and they rang true to the core of my being.

My parents were amazing teachers.  Their contribution in making me who I am today is huge – and I quite like who I am! Thank you mama.  Thank you Abuji.  You live forever in my heart, and it is my quest to connect with you where you are now.