The problem is never the real problem

I was talking to a beautiful girl today: Anna - she felt that she wasn't being paid as much as her male colleagues but was doing at least as much or more work. In her words she felt abused.

Sound familiar?

So I started peeling the onion with her.

I asked her what was the reason in her opinion? "Because I'm a woman" she said.

That's what it seems on the surface. So I asked her, "what about being a woman makes you less than a male colleague when it comes to your contribution at work?"

"The men don't have to take time off when there is a sick child at home, they can stay late to work..." nothing new about this list, is there?

It made me think of the time when I was a single mom with a six month old. It used to be my highest priority to get my work done and hurry home to my baby girl. I had no time to waste. I got to work and I crammed as much as possible into my day.

One day one of my managers pulled me aside. He said "you're too abrupt - you don't chit chat, you get right down to business - this will hurt your career". I told him, "I don't have time to waste to talk about what I had for dinner last night, and what the news headlines are - but I am the best at my work". He shook his head.

His well meaning advice bothered me. 

I had to soothe myself with my self-talk. I told myself that he didn't know what he was talking about, that my work was appreciated and I was the best worker in the office. I got more done in a day than others who stayed late - they may be putting in more hours but their productivity was lacking in quantity as well as quality. This is how I preserved my self-worth. 

​I could have chosen to join the group that believed that women were subpar in the workplace - but I didn't. I told myself that I was the best. As a result, I made progress quickly through the ranks and was given many accommodations to bring my 

daughter with me to work, when I was in a pinch for arrangements to leave her at home. At one of the banks I worked at, I was given a room where I could bring her and keep her toys, one floor down from my office.

So what was the difference between me and Anna? Anna sees her challenges as obstacles that reduce her value. I didn't. Her self-talk is different than mine. It's not just Anna, so many women reduce their value and it shows up in the form of the vibe they exude. When you exude a vibe that says "I'm not equal", then that is how people around you will treat you. That's Law of Attraction.

Law of Attraction explains how we attract things we don't want by reducing our self-worth. Being worthy is a vibe that isn't tainted by thoughts of short-coming. We learn to put ourselves down, sometimes because of things we were told as children, sometimes because of our own observation and interpretation of how the world works and sometimes - most of the time by the media. Media promotes inequality by talking about it. The more you hear about how women are treated unequally in the workplace, the more you begin to believe that it is true. That's just how we make sense of the world - if something keeps showing up, we start feeling that it is true. But look around you, do you not see how many women are proving these beliefs wrong. You can too. All you have to do is to learn how to peel back the layers and uncover the beliefs that make you feel inferior. Getting rid of them is just a decision - I promise, it's a non-invasive, non-surgical procedure from which you will emerge with more beauty than ever before, for beauty is equal to self-worth.

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